Every morning I pay $5.00 to take the Staten Island Express bus to work. (For all of you non-Stat'n Islander's, there is one-line metro line and a ferry that takes you to Manhattan Island for a grand total of $2.00, but I being the lazy sloth that I am, I opt for the pricier option in exchange for some 45 minutes of precious nap-time en route to work.)
It takes me roughly one hour to one and a half hours (with traffic) to get to midtown Manhattan. Therefore, it is absolutely CRUCIAL that I get a good seat on the bus.
Each bus has a seating capacity of 57 people (pairs of two along each side and an extraneous one in the back), along with an additional 23 persons standing room (given that no one is excessively overweight, then I'd say 20).
I know I will definitely, for sure, WITHOUT question have my tush planted in one of those 57 available seats. Because there is no way, no how I am going to OR from work, standing. pshh.
Now these express bus do not resemble the usual MTA city buses around the city...they're those soft & cushy greyhound-esque buses you take to go to AC, or Boston (ew) for the weekend. And unfortunately, not all bus seats were created equal...as Mr. MLK preached so very long ago. Between seats some have 2 feet of body room, others have 1 foot, and some maybe even less due to inconsiderate riders who love to abuse the recline button.
Point being, I am stuck on this bus with 56 other strangers for 1 hour (or more) with little to no ventilation, so I better be frickin' comfy...THUS...at all costs..make sure NO ONE takes that adjacent seat next to you and you are free to spread out your belongings and take up as much (napping) space as possible for the remainder of the trip.
Step 1: When initially getting on, ALWAYS pick the tightest looking two empty seats you can find. (trust me, you will see why later) Also, try and pick a seat close to the front.
Step 2: Sit in the seat closest to the aisle.
Step 3: Make sure your chair is in its fully upright position. (like when getting ready for airplane takeoff)
Step 4: Spread out your stuff on the adjacent window seat next to you.
Step 5: Shut your eyes as if napping.
(...I get on the bus a little earlier than most, so I do get the luxury of choosing my seat...for the slew of bus riders hopping on at the last stop by the highway....not so lucky. It is at this stop that will determine if you will get to sprawl out with disregard or battle the remainder of the way for personal space.)
Some days you get lucky and the bus won't be filled to max capacity. If you're fortunate enough that this happens, then all you have to do is pray that every passerby (who is also hunting for the most personal space like yourself) will notice the tiny cramped space next to you by the lonely window and pass it on by. (That's the benefit of sitting near the front...there's rarely anyone who backtracks when walking towards the rear...makes em' look stoopit.)
The whole point of looking like your napping is this: It's a fact that a large number of people are shy, or unwilling to associate with a stranger unless absolutely necessary. And chances are, if you're in peaceful slumber with an available seat next to you (albeit, a small one...but still vacant) as opposed to an available seat elsewhere towards the back....they will opt not to disturb you and go for the other vacant seat.
Then, after successfully duping everyone into NOT taking that seat next you...feel free to abuse the recline button, spread out and enjoy the road-trip into the Big Apple....while others look on in jealousy. (i know I do when someone else is that fortunate!!)
So there you have it ladies and gents....how to score the MOST desirable seat on the Statn' I-lan' express. Happy Bussing! ;D
